The New Ladies of Leisure

I was watching an episode of a new MTV show called Awkward recently. In a scene involving a mother-daughter party, an angst-ridden teenage girl described a group of mothers who fit into the mean-girl-turned-trophy wife category. "These women don't work, they work out," the teenager said. As this line was uttered, the women were admiring the toned and tanned biceps of their hostess. It made me think about how the physical traits of status have evolved over the centuries.

On a visit to the Cairo Museum when I was 12, I saw statues of Prince Rahotep and Princess Nofret, each sitting on a throne. Our tour guide explained that the prince was tanned because as a man he was outside, working (or overseeing the slaves); the princess statue was very pale, because a woman of such status did not labor in the sun. I remember thinking at the time how everybody where I lived was tan...on purpose! In fact, the tanner you were, the cooler you were. What a difference a few millennia can make.

Now, as evidenced by the characters on the MTV show and others, women with defined musculature are the modern picture of status. But it's not because they are perceived to be in better health, or admired for their athletic prowess. Rather, it is because a sculpted physique infers an excess of leisure time. Bodies like these require significant time to achieve...and usually money to pay for gym membeships, personal trainers, and trendy private classes.

Take a look at most of those "Real Housewives" shows; those women are competitive in seeing who can lay claim to the most spin classes in one week (in between comparing shoe closets, fancy cars, and private jets). The Bar Method classes I attend have a reputation for attracting this distinct demographic of women. They work out 5 days per week, morning and afternoon, in a different matching designer outfit each class. There's no denying how fit they are, and that in itself is undeniably admirable. Physiques like theirs require committed effort. If I didn't have a job I'm sure I'd work out a lot more. And there's my point.

When a celebrity like Victoria Beckham or Kate Hudson is photographed six weeks after giving birth and already has her figure back to swimsuit model perfection, most of us have the same reactions. First we ask, "How did she lose the weight already?" Then we concede, "Well if I had a couple million in the bank, three nannies, and no job responsibilities, I could spend six hours a day with my personal trainer, too. And then I'd look like that."



Ergo, a thin, muscular body equals leisure time and wealth. Check out actress Julie Bowen's biceps from Sunday night's Emmy Awards. This is the what women in their 30s and beyond are striving for (visible sternum notwithstanding), which is quite different from even my mother's generation.

But as with any good symbol of status, there can be a backlash that follows. A professional woman and mom of three once made an underhanded comment to me that I have the luxury to work out because I don't have children. In reality, I am forced to work out because if I don't I will be in constant pain from a twisted, crooked spine. How odd that I have to defend my habit of exercise. I didn't know if I should be offended by her comment, or impressed that she thought I was so well-off to be able to lead such a luxurious lifestyle of leisure.

While I can't deny the high that comes with a particularly effective workout, I still occasionally long to live just one week in the baroque period, when the height of beauty was having a plump rump. It was an era where leisure time was spent lounging around eating grapes, and not by logging hours on a treadmill.

Bury This Show!

As Generation X’s love affair with MTV continues to wane, a part of me still keeps going back, giving the network just one more chance to prove to me that they’re worthy of my time. And I continue to shake my head.

This week after much ballyhoo about the new season, I gave “The Buried Life: What Do You Want To Do Before You Die?” a shot. The show follows four male college friends who drive around the country attempting to complete all 100 things on their do-before-I-die list. Allegedly the show was picked up to help MTV make a major shift in their programming, away from the nonsense reality programming they’ve been known for of late, and toward a more socially conscious media. In fact, the show was nominated for a Do Something award for its efforts in encouraging the pursuit of life goals. Sounds promising, doesn’t it?

Let’s take a look-see at a few of the things on these guys’ bucket list:
#62 Steal a lock of Robert Pattinson’s hair
#36 Street fight
#54 Make a million dollars
#27 Marry a stranger in Las Vegas

What exactly about those four goals is socially conscious? One is mayhem, one is personal assault and theft, and one is nothing but pure selfishness. The last one, though, is not only NOT socially conscious, it also makes a complete mockery of the fight that millions of gay Americans have struggled with for years. Going to Las Vegas purely to find a stranger to marry (with the assumed immediate annulment) is spitting in the face of all gay Americans. In effect it says, “Look what we can do and then throw away when it becomes boring.” It’s like buying a feast in front of a homeless person, taking one bite, then dumping it in the trash.

Until recently I was ambivalent about gay marriage. I wasn’t against it, but I really had no internal push to fight for it, either. Depending on the day and my mood, I could see the arguments from both sides. But when I watched this ridiculous spectacle of young 20-somethings herding unsuspecting women in the casino to “interview” with the determined groom-to-be (who was so drunk that at least one girl had to extricate herself from his inebriated grope), it dawned on me just how unbalanced our marriage laws are.

There is nothing stopping this idiot or others like him from legally marrying a complete stranger on a whim, so long as the two participants are of opposite sexes. There is no test, and there is no qualifying background check. Pay a hundred bucks and sign your name a few times, you’re married. You are now granted all the benefits and privileges assumed in marriage.

Yet, two women in a committed 15-year relationship cannot attain this privilege. The law sees them as somehow inferior, unable to uphold the sanctity of such a union, not worthy of the legal benefits that accompany marriage.

As the show progressed, Dave the protagonist did find a willing girl, an 18-year-old casino pool lifeguard named Michelle.
Her puzzled and shocked reaction to Dave’s proposal conveyed that she only said ‘yes’ because cameras were on her. Yet she donned a wedding gown and veil, Dave’s fellow bus-mate wore his best penguin suit (this is not a euphemism for a tuxedo, he wore an actual penguin costume…again, taking this whole marriage thing extremely seriously), and some dude walked the bride down the aisle. The two strangers were legally married. No muss, no fuss. No forethought. No plan.


Even without my inclusion of the debate over gay marriage, this episode of The Buried Life was insulting to my intelligence. Once again MTV has made me want an hour of my life back.

As the episode fades to black, Dave is on the phone with his mom. He tells her just got married in Vegas. Mom says, “You know I feel that marriage is sacred. I’m going to go throw up now.” Listen to your mother, Dave.

If MTV Really Knew Us...

Given MTV President Van Toffler’s recent comment about how the network is “pushing Generation X out” for the “more civic minded, less cynical” Millennials, it’s no wonder very little of their programming interests me anymore. I didn’t care what rapper T.I. was doing with his pre-prison life (if I’d have said he’s just going to end up in prison again anyway, I would have been called cynical…but guess who was just arrested on drug charges a few days ago. Ahem.) And I won’t watch anything featuring Tila Tequila.

So given this waning love, I was surprised to be so taken with a recent addition to the MTV lineup. If You Really Knew Me is an hour-long documentary taking place at a different high school each episode. Students from every social group participate in a day-long activity called Challenge Day, facilitated by leaders from Challenge Day/Be the Change, a California-based nonprofit organization whose mission is to provide youth and their communities with experiential programs that demonstrate the possibility of love and connection through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression.

Through different sharing exercises the students slowly let down their privacy walls and confess facts about themselves, first in small groups and then later to the entire assembly. Every confession begins with “If you really knew me, you’d know that I….” The students divulge everything from the pain of losing a parent to personal mental illness to regret felt after having treated a friend badly. There’s a lot of crying, a lot of hugging, and a dash of Gen X-aged leaders trying to be hip by throwing street lingo into their presentations. It’s like a cross between the Oprah show and a church youth group convention.

What most amazes me is the ease at which many of the students tell their secrets. Even more so is that they tell these secrets to the very people who could most use that knowledge against them. I tried to imagine such a day taking place at my former high school and the thought seemed absurd. No WAY would I have told what was really going on in my life to 98% of my classmates. No way would I have trusted 100 other students to not tease each other incessantly with all this juicy new gossip. (Woops, there’s that Gen X cynicism rising up again.)

In every episode I’ve watched there’s been a girl who lets out that she lost her best friend but doesn’t know why. Across the room, the former best friend admits to her small group that she treated her best friend badly and now they don’t even speak, and how bad she feels about it. Everybody in each group knows exactly who each girl is talking about. Having been in the shoes of girl #1 my sophomore year, admitting what she admitted would have been social death for me. My former best friend’s social group would have crucified me.

But amazingly, as the confessions flow, so does the peer support, in a fascinatingly strong way. It often reminds me of the scene from The Breakfast Club where the detainees are talking about their respectively sucky home lives. Remember Allison’s confession, “They ignore me.” Also like in the movie, students at the end of Challenge Day often ponder to each other whether the message will stick once they’re out of the confines of the program and back in the halls of everyday school life. Will the homecoming queen who feels alone really say hi to the quiet bipolar girl nobody knows? Will the cowboy really stick up for the nerd who’s incessantly teased?

The show does a phenomenal job of showing how you never know what is going on in someone’s mind, life, or family. One of the most powerful examples of this was Eric, the physically imposing Texas football player who completely broke down when the leader asked, “Who never got the chance to just be a child?” Poor guy could barely hold himself up he was so overcome with emotion. A redneck in a 10-gallon hat was the first to step up to support him, and a sassy black girl was so moved by his unexpected breakthrough that she truly appeared to see everyone in her school in a new light. Clearly these kids are motivated to break through the social and racial barriers that normally plague the high school experience.

Challenge Day/Be The Change has been in existence since 1987, when many of its group leaders were still in high school themselves. So in a way, MTV has Gen X to thank for this popular show. Our own experiences are what shaped a desire to incite change in the next generation. If Gen X was truly so cynical, we wouldn’t have faith that things could be different, that high school didn’t have to be so awkward, judgmental, or vicious.

So don’t be so quick to dismiss us, MTV. While I still haven’t forgiven you for taking JUST SAY JULIE off the air in ‘92, I will hold on for just a little longer thanks to this latest offering.

New episodes of If You Really Knew Me air Tuesdays at 11 p.m., but are repeated often throughout the week.